3 Reasons Families Fight Over Money
By Armineh Keshishian
Author of Joyous Wealth
Money may be a sensitive subject to many. In order to understand why families fight over money, I will address a few concepts first.
Your Relationship With Money
You may say “my relationship with money? Isn’t that odd?” No, because everything is a relationship! Your relationship with your money can be looked at as: how do you treat your money? Are you generous with your money and buy what you desire most of the time? Are you frugal? Do you lend money to others if they ask? Do you waste money on things that don’t bring returns or fulfillment? Another part of this is, do you have rules and ethics of your own about how you will earn your money? Will you take any job to survive? Will you invest anywhere to make a return, or are you very specific about it?
When you decide how you earn your money, and you decide where to spend it or invest it then you have a certain relationship with your money that is near and dear to you. Your answers to all these personal questions will provide you with a better understanding of your relationship with your money.
The Psychology of Money
The desire to have money, acquiring it, and worrying about it may be stressful driving forces in our lives. Money is energy; a symbol of exchange of our efforts – If we can determine its usefulness and how best to get it, then we can make peace with it.
How do you view money? How do you define it? How much money are you comfortable making, earning, or acquiring? You may think the more money, the better or you may think money is the root of all evil! The clearer you are about money and the more you define it, the better the chance of you manifesting and acquiring it.
Let’s say that your desire to have more money is to pay off all your debt or put the kids or yourself through school or have a comfortable lifestyle. This is tangible and achievable. Now let’s say you think the more money I make the more I get into debt – this is a negative mindset that needs to be looked at and be addressed. Or you may say I can never earn a hundred thousand dollars a year, or a million dollars a year. The idea here is to know how much money or income you want each year and how much money or assets you want to own in total, now and in the future, and most importantly why? Once you know the answers it is much easier to strategize and take steps to get it.
Fear and Greed of Money
One interesting fact I observed in the world of finance and business many years ago was that people often act out of fear or greed. The fear of losing money or the greed of making a ton of money. Every decision has a consequence; therefore all aspects of an investment have to be considered before deciding on how much risk to take. Your risk tolerance may vary depending on your age, your income, your total assets, and your goals. Taking zero risks for your investments may be a good idea only if you are receiving a high rate of return, where after inflation and taxes the return is still acceptable to you. And on the other hand, if you are trying to double your money in a very short period of time with high risk and speculative investments it may not be the best decision because you can easily lose most of your principal if not all of it. These types of investments are like gambling; unless you take a very small amount of your assets, maybe one to five percent, and call it ‘Play Money’. This way you are aware of the risks, and you are not at a huge loss if you lost all of your capital.
Each person has a different risk tolerance depending on their beliefs, experiences, and goals. Your risk level maybe forms a scale of zero being the most conservative to ten being the most speculative. By rating yourself as a conservative or aggressive (or anything in between) investor through the ‘Your Risk Tolerance’ Questionnaire you can make choices that are right for you instead of feeling emotional upheaval.
Most often families fight over money because they are not quite aware of all the above-mentioned facts or concepts. It takes a little introspection to realize your thoughts and beliefs about money. You can compare it with your loved ones by discussing it and communicating it with them.
Number one major dispute between spouses is where the money is spent. Generally, one spouse spends more money on discretionary expenses such as entertainment, clothing, or big-ticket items such as an expensive car or hobbies including drinking, drugs, and gambling. In addition, one spouse is more frugal than the other resulting in constant bickering. One of the spouses may contend with saving or investing the excess funds versus spending it. The feud gets intensified if one spouse earns much more than the other and arguments continue if the spouses have differing ideas about how to spend allocated funds on their children.
Another reason families fight over money is, if the risk tolerance of their investments are different, as a result, the fluctuation in their investments creates heated arguments. One spouse disputes they have a chance to make higher returns and the other complains about the loss of funds. Investment risk includes building a new business where one spouse is working on creating a better future by leaving their current job and the other spouse is worried about the loss of income.
And the last most important reason but not least in a family feud is issues of inheritance. Often parents leave out children whose ideals and lifestyles do not match their own or they favor one child over another. If the adult children detect this decision their relationship changes for the worst and a fight prevails. However if the adult children become aware of the fact after seeing the will upon their parents passing on, the dispute continues with their siblings and often ends up in the courts.
Having truthful conversations and communicating your thoughts and intentions with your loved ones can often bring you peace of mind and enhance your relationships.
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Joyous Wealth is a rare combination of many secrets compiled together which encompasses concepts of wealth, mindset, empowerment, joy, Universal Principals and living abundantly.