Who Can You Trust?
Decide Your Future
by Cie Allman-Scott, Ph.D. aka “Dr.Cie”
Trust is a huge issue. We have all been disappointed in the performance of others; sometimes it is a contract unfulfilled and sometimes we are betrayed. It would be so convenient if we could trust our gut, but even then we often mistake the voice of our ego for the voice within, known in spiritual circles as “the Higher Self.”
It is an interesting question, but it may be better handled if we think of it as an equation. Breaking down that equation will assist us in overriding the glitches that are innate in the human brain. It is absolutely true that our brains are not wired to make great decisions. We are definitely wired to take short-cuts, and that is why when we make a decision using this inadequate default system, we allow ourselves to move onto the next item of the day without second-guessing ourselves. Additionally, individuals enjoy being correct, so we may trust ourselves too often, or too easily.
The optimal way to trust is to look at it as an equation before we do something consequential that can be expensive or painful. Offering trust where it wasn’t appropriate can be disastrous.
Decide Your Future; Write, Direct, and Star in Your Life offers a clear 7-step method for making decisions, but very often we simply need to know whether to let a contractor into our home or whether we can allow a date to offer a ride home. To be fully at ease, there is a 7-step method that is crystal clear inside this book that also offers the abbreviated 'short formula', because we make so many rapid decisions every day.
We will not always know the character of every person who lands before us. Without knowing people well and being fully aware of their capacities and abilities, we need to give some credence to a process that takes more brainpower than a hunch. After all, trusting when it wasn’t wise can set us back to the Stone Age. It can hurt our feelings, our wallets, and our sense of self-worth.
First, I like to say that trust is earned. Too often we are asked to trust others who haven’t had the opportunity to earn the trust they seek. Deciding who to trust is clearly your responsibility. We need to remember that reputations can be altered; some reputations can be cleared online, and some reputations may suffer unfair complaints. Expand your search for information and never rely on one source. We are in an era of reviews and ratings. The larger the sample size, the more fidelity can be assumed in the statistical result. This applies fairly well when we seek help from a company, but what about looking for love or interviewing a potential tenant or roommate? You will not have online reviews, but yes, you will need to follow more than your gut; you will need to do research without short cuts. Always check people out, even before you meet someone on neutral ground to have a cup of coffee. You may consider the value of the introduction if a friend or colleague speaks well of someone, but this isn’t enough. Consider the importance of your time in every human interaction as well as every business dealing. The shortcuts that our brains take can result in unnecessary bad outcomes when trust wasn’t earned and a poor decision was rendered.
As I relate to issues of the heart, I can tell you that I interviewed around 20,000 single people who wanted to find a permanent, committed relationship. Many had been previously married. In each case, before marrying their spouse that they were now divorced from, it was in some way apparent that there was an unacceptable trait or event that was a sign of incompatibility. In each of these cases, the sign was ignored. Why would people do that? The brain is wired to double down on a bad decision in order to be validated. In the behavioral sciences, we call this the Cost Sunk Effect. Days, months, or years later, that validation is stripped away painfully, but the brain is not making that calculation for you. You need to be more patient. Do your own calculations and override the system that believes it is helping you by allowing you to move forward expediently. Knowing this, there is no possible way we can allow ourselves to be totally vulnerable by being physically intimate with a person within a few dates. I would prescribe watching for signs for about 90 days before knowing someone is appropriate for a true relationship. If either party cannot wait, perhaps it becomes evident that the impatient party isn’t really interested in anything more than sex. That would be important to know! Also, being too desperate will get you into trouble. I don’t want to rely on shock value to convince readers that it isn’t wise to be alone with or go to bed with someone you hardly know. I certainly know people that have had their watches and jewelry stolen in such circumstances when they want to take an affectionate relationship to the next level. The truth is, you are risking your life in such situations, and that makes no sense at all.
Whatever you do, do not justify excuses for little things that did not go well. Don’t try to be overly understanding or prematurely forgiving when they said something strange or did something that wasn’t to your liking. The best course is to believe it is a needed sign for you to consider seriously. (Remember not to discount this when making business decisions.) For example, a possible mate appears in your life, and you seem to have a mutual attraction. It’s normal to want to believe that this person is the answer to your search. It is typical (but foolish) to believe that a person that you hardly know will not harm you and that their heart is in the right place. I believe in almost all situations people need to be observed for 90 days, and no sign can be ignored. If you are making a “life decision” on who you can trust, definitely use the 7 steps in Decide Your Future; Write Direct, and Star in Your Life. You will be relieved or more committed as is appropriate. Anyone can behave well for a short amount of time but watch this person consistently for a few months and you will see things, either good or bad, which will become recurring themes. Pay attention to that in your business life as well as your personal life.
Along the vein of “trust is earned,” we can offer small tasks to test others. See how tasks are performed before offering larger responsibilities. At times, you will need to employ such behavior in order to allow someone to earn trust, and don’t be dis-appointed if you uncover something you don’t like. Be grateful for all information and use that information accordingly.
You have a responsibility to yourself to succeed with your health, finances, and relationships.
Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t make excuses for yourself or blame others. It is within your capacity to use critical thinking techniques and to succeed, or at least to fail forward in a calculated way where you can learn, reform, and eventually succeed.
Albert Einstein said, “There is nothing that is a more certain sign of insanity than to do the same thing over and over and expect the results to be different.”
Your brain will allow this insanity, so take control of your brain in a conscious, self-aware way.
One of the greatest lessons you can employ is to watch what someone does rather than listening to their words. Talk is cheap. Promises are made and broken commonly. I am not recommending that you become cynical. I am suggesting that you allow people to act as you witness and gain information.
Again, never utilize one source of information; don’t be lazy. By watching what people do instead of what they say, you will be far better equipped to trust other people, companies, and relationships of all kinds.
The Cost Sunk Effect is only one of a large number of glitches or typical cognitive failures and you can begin to understand a large number of the most common issues in my book. In order to be firmly confident in your decisions, I prescribe my seven steps; you can input what you value and find important and consistently render calm and empowering decisions. This removes a substantial amount of pain from life.
Trusting the right people can save time, money, your health, and heartache.
I hope I’ve offered some food for thought and perhaps illustrated past mistakes in a way to encourage better practices in the future. Your success is essential and your purpose can help others, so it’s important not to go backward and sideways; your time counts.
In short, trust is earned. Follow the signs. Watch what people do rather than listening to promises and mere words. Always check out people and reputations with more than one source. This is a path that will take a bit longer, but especially if you are “too busy”, you don’t have time to make mistakes. Honor yourself and the life you are creating by being mindful rather than sloppy. Your brain is magnificent and can do things that a computer can’t, but learn to be your brain’s manager. Be proactive and identify your blind spots. You can break patterns that have not been effective and live the life you've always wanted.
I always say, "suffering is optional and life is what you make it!"
Dr. Cie
Cie Allman-Scott aka “Dr. Cie” is a former model and actress and current TV host who educated herself along the way to the Ph.D. level and beyond with additional studies of theology, quantum physics and metaphysics.
Dr. Cie has lectured regarding optimal brain performance and function for 20 years over 6 continents. She has been a guest on various TV and radio shows and currently hosts Beauty & Truth, a TV show about inner and outer beauty, health and a winning mindset.
She is the best-selling author of “Decide Your Future” and “7 Rules for Making Decisions” and a key note speaker.
Website: https://www.doctorcie.com
DECIDE YOUR FUTURE: Write, Direct and Star in Your Life takes the uncertainty out of making decisions, builds confidence and assures your success. The 7-step process for making decisions works for any decision and yields personalized decisions honoring the values and goals of the user, not the author. Anyone can make timely and confident decisions and turn dreams into actual outcomes.
Every type of decision is addressed with holistic, proven techniques that are easy to follow and create the desired direction of any user. This book promises to improve every aspect of your life.